Okay. So, it's been an incredibly long time since my last post. In fact, it's been sooooo long that, if I were to make an apologetic gesture which would be appropriate for the length of time it's taken me to update, I'd probably have to gut myself with a fishfork. That being the case, I think it would be best to leave the apology out this time.

If I updated more often, you would have about a month ago been the receiver of the joyful news that I have FINISHED ALL MY COURSEWORK and handed it in, more or less on time. However, now that's out of the way, it seems that the worry-centres of my mind have found something else to fixate on.

Namely, my loneliness. So far, I have racked up a total of two failed relationships. Not many, I know, but it's still enough ammunition to feed my irrational insecurities. It means a number of things: that I suck at getting together with girls, that I suck at picking the right ones, that I suck at maintaining relationships and that I suck at being with the girls I actually want to be with and think I would have a chance with.

Now I know what you're thinking: 'Oh my GOD, the previously witty, intelligent, insightful and extremely arrogant writer of this blog has now descended to spouting self-pitying bullshit.' Well, you're right. But, as I said earlier, it is my default nature to be self-pitying: because I have now finished my coursework, I need something else to be depressed about. And if the title of the post didn't give you any hints, you seriously need to work on that perspicacity of yours.

Normally this wouldn't be a problem. Lots of people are lonely all over the world, and they manage to deal with it, raight? Well, maybe not - you've also got all sorts of loonies in the world who tee off at people exactly because they're lonely. I'm willing to bet that if some kind girl had taken it upon herself to pay some attention to Seung Hui-Cho (look him up), he wouldn't have ended up doing what he did. Or maybe he would have ended up violating her. I don't know.

The point is, I'm not going to get all psycho over this, so don't worry. It's not that bad. To tell the truth, the mere fact that I'm writing this down means I am therefore much less likely to do something violent as a result. However, I never would anyway. I'm simply not the kind of person who slashes others up - or even myself, for that matter. There are two principle reasons for this: 1) I think human life is too precious to waste in that way and 2) I'm just far, far too lazy.

Still, the point remains. In fact, it kinda scares me because... well, I haven't told anyone this, and I have to keep typing continuously so my brain doesn't kick in and stop my fingers from pouring out what is churning in my heart, but every single girl at College reminds me how lonely I am, and WOE BETIDE if a girl shows ANY kind of affection towards me - even unthinkingly - for I shall then have a crush on said girl FOR EVER.

As you've probably guessed, I have as a result crushes on pretty much every girl at College that I know. But wait - it gets worse. This is... kinda hard for me to say. But I've got to say it. If I don't say it to the Internet I might never be able to say it to any one person. I've got to get this off my chest even if nobody ever reads this.

Whenever I sit next to or near a girl (not in class, BTW: I'm always professional when it counts) I always get the urge to touch them; an urge I normally manage to restrain. Normally. It's not even sexual contact I desire: even just touching them on the skin of the arm gratifies me. Yes, yes - I am extremely creepy and sick in the head. Make your comment and get it over with already.

Whether this is a perversion unique to me or a desire all males share, I can't be sure. I do, however, know that I find it rather repugnant, since it is an invasion of privacy and, if they knew why I was so innocently poking them and hugging them, would be sexual harrassment as well.

There. I've got it down on paper... or webspace. Whatever it's called, I've got it down on it.

Now... please don't think I'm weird... or do, but please have the courtesy to at least pretend that you don't when writing your comment...